Legend of the Black Claw Chapter 10 part 4

“Why not?”

“Because… I’m not there yet, okay?”

He looked at me then nodded. I was shocked. I almost wanted to question it but decided I better just count my blessings. I did however take his hand and give it a squeeze.

“What about Carter? I thought… I thought at first you ran away with him.”

I blanched, recalling how I felt with Carter and how he rejected me. Did I have real feelings for Carter, too? Yes, I knew I did but I also had them for Rollo. Despite how utterly illogical that was. My stomach suddenly clench as I thought of what Feral had said. He had artificially bound us together, Rollo and I. I was, admittedly, caught up in the moment with Rollo, so much so that I forgot that very important point. What I felt for him, feel for him might not be real at all.  I idly fingered the choker on my neck and looked away from Rollo’s eyes.

“No, I didn’t run away with him. He just helped me.” Which was true and I knew if Rollo ever found out I had real feelings for Carter that he would kill him. Maybe. Why hadn’t he killed him or left him for dead when he had the chance, though?

“Rollo, why did you help Carter if you thought I had run off with him?” I asked quietly, managing to meet his gaze again. He stared at me for a long moment then sighed through his nose.

“Killing him like he was wouldn’t have been fair. Plus, I wasn’t sure if that was the case. Besides, he doesn’t take me as the ‘into girls’ type.” Rollo chuckled and I gritted my teeth.

“He’s not gay, he’s damaged. He lost his mate and family and it really hurt him.” I defended, irritated.  Rollo raised a brow.

“We have all lost people. He needs to get over it.” Rollo snorted coldly.

“Oh, like how you get over stuff so easily? Being a sex addict and an asshole is no better than what Carter is doing to deal with his loss!” I snarled, baring my teeth. I didn’t realize how powerfully I reacted until I saw the surprise on Rollo’s face. I wasn’t sure why but I just felt like I needed to defend Carter. He was so mild, so kind, he didn’t deserve to have people talking about him like that.

“So you do have feelings for him…” Rollo muttered.

“I like him a lot. He’s nice and gentle, unlike you. At least I know I like him! I…I don’t even know if what I feel for you is real anymore. It goes on and off like a switch!” I shouted in a fit and then immediately regretted it.

I saw the pain on Rollo’s face but I also saw something else, understanding.

“I’m sorry… I, It’s been a long day and after what your father said…” I trailed off, rubbing my face tiredly. He started to get up and I grabbed his arm.

“Rollo… we need to talk about this.”

“You are right... as long as my father is interfering there is no telling what either of us really feel.” He sighed.

“I’m… obsessed with you. I went mad when you left. Beyond what a male should feel when mating. Beyond love. I can’t think straight… and, I honestly don’t even know if it is love, Vita… It’s more like addiction.” He admitted. Tears spilled from my eyes because hearing him admit it hurt like hell but I felt the same. I wasn’t sure of us, I wasn’t sure of anything. He surprised me when he embraced me and hugged me close.

“But you said…” I mumbled then stopped myself as my voice broke.

“You… really like Carter, don’t you? It’s different for you with him than it is with me, isn’t?”
I started crying harder, unable to admit it and unwilling to say it allowed. Rollo just stroked my hair.

“Please don’t hurt him for this… it’s not him, he doesn’t want me… It’s my fault.” I sobbed, ashamed of myself. Why, I wasn’t sure. I didn’t owe Rollo anything but I felt like I did.

“I’m not going to lie… I very deeply want to remove him from the situation but I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t think rationally when it comes to you, Vita.”
I wiped at my eyes.

“I…I can’t live like this.” I said weakly.

“No, neither of us can.” He said softly and kissed my hair.

“I’m so confused; one minute I feel like I couldn’t possibly want anyone more than you and the next I…I…”

“You want to kill me?” Rollo snorted.

“Yes.” I admitted pitifully.

“He wanted us to breed, not love each other. That’s all he cares about.” Rollo released me slowly and swiped his thumbs across my cheeks.

“Isn’t that right?”

I nodded.

“Yeah… but I do have some feelings for you just…” I wasn’t sure how to finish that. I didn’t want to say “Just not love” because that wasn’t true. I felt something for him I just wasn’t sure what it was. He was right however, what I felt for Carter was much different and much more natural.  Too bad Carter didn’t want me back.

“Let’s be honest, Vita… we want to fuck each other like little rabbits but when it comes to sitting down and being around each other it’s a nightmare.” Rollo stated in a wonderfully, on point, way.

“I do believe that is accurate…” I said softly.